Hello! Saturday!

Whoa! I can feel that it's a great day ahead. I suspect it might rain. But oh well, take away the heat, right? I just got back from my run. I did my tabata. Completed 3 sets and now, I am cooling down. The sweat always make me feel like I am exerting all my sorrows and worries away.

I met up with her last night. I felt last night was the real closure compared to the last one. She looked really tired. I bet must be the work and all the accusations that friends and family are giving her. Well, like what they says, the one that does the dumping always seems to be the bad guy.

We talked, we laughed, well, I admitted that partly it was me who push her over the edge of the breakup. I really hope she will be happy. I know I will be happy because that is what I aim to do.

So, Saturday, what are your plans?

I hope it will be fantastic!

Hello! Friday!

Every time, it's Friday? I will always have the urge to sing: "it's Friday, Friday...!"
I just got back from the run. Shiok! You know the song "raindrops keep falling on my head..." We'll, instead of raindrops, it's sweat... Haha. Like I'm showering! It's dripping as I typed this. Haha. Okay, I know it gross. I shall stop.

How's your day? I hope it's as hopeful as mine. I'm going to my new office later. Meeting Vinnie for lunch. Not sure about dinner tho, you wanna ask me out? Heh. Oh, I must warn you 1st, I don't eat that much for dinner. I think my appetite has gone smaller.

2 ,ore days to my official start date. I'm so excited! I can't picture last week, I was such a whack! I can't sleep, can't eat, can't even smile let alone laugh. Geez! I hated that me. Now, I felt so much confidence in me that I could explored! Haha.

Hey December! Bring it on! Nothing can be worst than the breakup! I'm going to pull through all the birthdays, all the Xmas and the New Years! And 2013! You better be treating me well! Haha.

Alrighty folks.

Again! Happy thoughts and have a great weekend!

Good morning, Thursday!

Hello!

I had a great run! A great workout! Sweat it all out! It felt so great and awesome! So, here I am typing, cooling myself down before I take a shower. I am so looking forward to my next chapter of my life, my work. This year, work has not been my greatest friend nevertheless, I am thankful for the friends and experience that I've gained.

So, this coming Monday, I will give it my all. 2013 is my time to blossom! Haha. So, how's your day? Frankly speaking, I've no idea who is reading my blog. So, whoever is out there, don't despair. Yes, life isn't fair most of the time, but you just have to make the best out of it. Either you make it or break it.

I'm the type of person to go all out and try, hit a wall, I'll hammer it down, unless its a block that I no longer can conquer, I will choose another route around it. I'm not the sort that gives up easy. In work, in relationship, it's the same. Ego and pride, sometimes they can be let go. My mentor taught me, humble is the route to success. It may take longer but you will gain the respect from others along the way.

I will always remember that. Oh, did I mentioned, I got a packed schedule today. Am meeting my ex colleague for lunch later, then onwards to meet Rachel for a match of cricket. I know! I do not even know the rules of that game, but hey. I bring a book and read. :) maybe sip a nice glass of tea.

It's going to be an awesome day. I'm feeling it already!!!

May your day be as great as mine! Happy thoughts!

It's 2!

Dear dragon,

Happy 2 years anniversary.

Here I am sitting at the Bay by MBS. I am sipping on a glass of ice tea, watching the world pass by slowly. The weather is alright. It drizzled earlier on. I'm looking at the high rise buildings from where I am seated. Year 2013 is coming. Looking back at our 2 years, I want to thank you for so many things.

You made me a better person. I really want to thank you for the breakup. If its not for this heart break, I will never see myself grow. I have been doing a lot of soul searching. You're right. I am in denial too! How can I just convince myself that love is all we need? How stupid and naive!

I was caught in our love bubble, thinking we are happily in love. These 2 years made me see the world and see what I really need in a relationship. Thank you for waking me up. I've seen such a clearer side of what happen.

It took me 28 years of my life to see what I am lacking in life. We had some happy moments, don't we? The way we looked at each other in the mornings, the way we like to pamper each other with our  own way of care and concerns, the feeling of wanting to be there for that person.

Thank you for the wonderful 2 years.

I've moved on. Year 2012 has not been kind to me. I became a egoistic person, a hot air person, all is me myself and I. I have no regards of anyone's feelings. I hated myself this year. I am an angry hulk. Life has always been unfair but I took it the hard way. Hence, why this relationship ends.

Now, I am looking forward to year 2013. I have so much plans and matters to look forward to. I really want to push my limits. I also plan to run a 10km marathon. I've been running. And I did not stop! It's all in the mind. Loving my aching muscles. I revamped my room. So much spacious for the babies to roam and run around, cleaned out my wardrobe.

Now my head is clearer. I had a one to one chat with my daddy. I told him about my plans. He agrees. And I think he is proud to have me back as a daughter again, I drew up my next 1 year plan. He is so happy. We went shopping and talked about everything. I feel I am back on track.

Thank you for being with me when I am down and out.

Now, I wish you all the best and may life treats you well too.

Take care. Live hard and love hard.

Getting on just fine,
Ninja

Things are getting fluffy and puffy.

Hello! Good morning!

I have not touched on my farewell at my ex company.
I wrote this to everyone I worked with, be it happy or sad:

"Hello,
Today marks my last day in the million moments' resort.
I want to take this chance to thank you for the assistance and the fabulous we put into.
You have been a great hep and support to me, and I have made some very fine friendships here, which I will always cherish.
I wish you plenty of smiles, blue skies and fluffy white clouds-now and always.
Sincerely,
Ellen"

A few of my colleagues teared for me. This farewell may have happen during one of my toughest times. I must say I am really did not regret making this move to work in RWS. I had one of the best bosses which I became good friend with. I made tons of sincere friends which I know I can count on.

Oh, one thing that caught my surprise was that my VP wrote me back something:

"Hey Ellen,
Thanks for the good work and the smiles and the chicken little hair!!
Hope your time here was fruitful, inspiring and fun.
All the best for your future ventures!
Andrea"

I'm touched. One of the good stuff that is happening.

Happy thoughts, everyone!

A fruitful day

I revamped my room today. Removed my bed frame and my table top.
Felt so good.
Woke up at 8am. Clean through the day. Skip lunch cos I just want to concentrate on cleaning up.
So now, everything is clean, I got a tv in. Did tons of cleaning.
I'm so proud of myself.

So, she emailed me today about the air tickets.
I did not reply her. Do not see the need to to.
Got a call from Far East Flora, last year, I ordered a bouquet of flowers from them.

So, the caller said: "hi, Ellen. We have in our records that you ordered a bunch of flowers from us last year. As your anniversary is coming in 2 days time, would you like to see our catalog and ordered flowers for...err... Miss Wendy zhang?"

I wanted to tell them that, we have broke up. But I decided, he does not need to know this. So, I ended the call saying: "oh. I will take a look at the catalog and get back to you. Thank you."

I sat back in my couch and let out a dry laughter. Ha. Ha.
It's over.
I just want to get my life back in order.
I did my financial table.
Spoke to my dad about my debts.

So all is good.
I feel good.
I be good.

Happy thoughts!

3rd December 2012

17 more days to my birthday.
I have not thought of what to wish for.
I do know happiness will be inside.
Without happy, you can't do anything right.
So there you go,
Positive mindset.

I'm going to spring clean my room today. Chuck useless things I have not used for a year.
Tidy and straighten out some things.
Today is brand new day 1.

I can do it!

WAKE UP CALL

This letter is sent to Ellen Ng Ruo Chee:

Hi Ellen,

It's time to wake up and that to realize that this relationship is over. She is right, you both are in denial. Thinking that love is everything. Yes, love is everything but we all still need to eat and live and enjoy life. Where does that come from? You got to work hard and save hard.

Please start taking your life seriously. It takes you 28 years to realize this. And you have to thank her for this. Maybe after you decide to be friends with her. Treat her to a good dinner. She is saving your life in the long run with another partner.

Quit sobbing, sulking, moaning about she is heartless and she did not give any signs. You know that she had given some signs, maybe not that clear. Her everyday nagging, her constant roll eyes, the subtitle telling you off. Those are signs. You chose to ignore, turn a deaf ear.

Okay, I guess the only part on your end is that you fought for the relationship. Not in the practical ways, but you care for her, you pamper her, you look out for her. But hey, who knows, 5 years down the road, you're single and she's single. You two might have a shot at it. But for now, please clean up your act and prove to others, you're able to take care of yourself and others.

You should be able to stand up and say things like, I can take care of her emotionally and financially. It's a whole package. No more big baby. That will only happen during the sleepy hours. So, I say, no more drinking, no more smoking, no more delaying your bills, no more trying to act like some big arse monkey.

2013 is the year for you to work hard and to prove to all that you're capable for bigger things in life. And you said that you change, the change is for you, yourself and not others. You need to be aware of this. So, push on, push harder, please do not give up.

Good luck, Ellen. All the best!
You can do it!

Realistic,
Other me

what is wrong and what is right in a relationship?

another sleepless night. 
maybe it is a good thing. 
i'm need to get used to waking up early.

last night, i had a spring of hope that she might be back in my life.
this morning, i woke up, i realised, should i even be thinking of this just to make myself feel better or pin on some hopes when she does not even know what she wants.

when we are having our post breakup talk, she asked me what is love.
i told her, love is when i see someone that reminds you, i thought of you.
love is when she is in need of you, you do whatever you can to support the one.
to me, at least, love conquers all. i know, there is the bread and love part. 

maybe friends are right, her expectations and mine are different.
friends told me that we are too similar.
so i should find someone that is opposite of me?

is there even a 2nd chance in relationship?
maybe she did hint me or i just turn a deaf ear on it.
where is my second chance?

i have a devil and angel in my head and heart.
one told me to forget about her, i find someone better.
one told me that i might still have a chance with her.

i am really going crazy at this moment.
i know i will collapse. 
have not been eating, just pure drinking.

but i told myself this act of foolish-ness should stop.
i know i do not like myself this way. 

i will prove to myself i can do it. 
and she will regret the day that she end it with me.

Just another sleepless night.

Hello 4am.

The cold night and the quietness.
The ache and the pain.
The questions and the answers.

I went to my colleague's baby shower today.
The scene is very heartwarming.
Kids running around, babies crying.
Husband talking to husband.
Wifes talking about children.

Somehow, I thought to myself , will I be able to have all that with that someone else?
I know I already had that vision with two person.
Somehow, shit happens.
Dreams fall apart.

Met up with mutual friends at Robert Timms at Wheelock.
The same nearby location where we had our closure.
When I walked through Ion, saw H&M, I did not cry.
But my heart is worried. I'm afraid to see you with someone else.
Just that thought scares me.
My mind is confused. Does that mean I'm slowly getting over you?
It's a sad and happy mind bogging activity.

Tonight, I learnt that I need to get my act together.
I need to learn to take care of myself.
I have a plan all along, but I took you and matters for granted.
I'm going that prove to myself that I can do it.

Plan e begins tomorrow.

My heart : are you missing me? Not as a friend but as a lover/ partner.

The life still goes on...

Good afternoon.

So it has been 5 days. Yeah, I know, right! Only 5 days!!!

The ache is still there. Rachel told me to get used to the ache rather than getting rid of it. I don't know. All I know is I wake up every morning to google on the following:
1) how to move on after a relationship
2) how to recover from a breakup
3) how to move on from a lesbian relationship

The list can go on and on. I met up with my sec school mates yesterday. I told them everything. Somehow, as the days past, the story got shorter and basically drifted to how I feel more than the actual facts. I was angry yesterday. I was drinking but I know I am sober. I just need to sleep.

I woke up this morning at 8am. I can't sleep. Again. This period of breakup is in rainy season. How depressing is that? I have not gotten back my appetite entirely. This may be a good thing as I really want to lose weight.

I started to go Fridae and revamp my page. I told Jata that it felt that I'm cleaning up my résumé for job application. She laughed. I'm meeting her and a bunch of  mutual friends. I know I have today and tomorrow to say this story and by next week, I should be and must stop talking about her day by day.

Alright peeps. Felt better after my rankings here. I do not know if there is any one that is reading this but if you're feeling how I'm feeling. You can drop me an email. We can shoulder each other through this period.

Peace out,
e